THE SIXTH ONE

MURPHYISM #11: There is never any rest in Leavenworth - what do those Bavarian freaks do?

MURPHYISM #12: Fuck the business man! He denied my car loan. I was looking into getting one of those Volkswagon GTIs, y'know? How the shit am I supposed to afford one of those sweet little babies without some cash money? Yeah, fuck the business man!

Also: While The Murphy condemns the business man, we are unsure what loan The Murphy was unable to obtain; however, he is apparently very angry and annoyed by this situation.

THE FIFTH ONE

READ: Due to circumstances beyond the control of this council, these life-rules will no longer be revealed in real time. From now on, Murphyisms and all further bestowed knowledge are to be viewed for their imperative and pertinent historical, moral, and life or death purposes. As a learned student and teacher of Murphyisms, I ask that you utilize these teachings well, and I hope you remember the important words spoken here in the days to come. 

MURPHYISM #10: Sometimes the sun will set on your back -it's a really difficult thing to avoid, granted. Just paint some pictures. Usually that reverses the physics of things.

THE FOURTH ONE

MURPHYISM #9: Aggression: it's kind of like being pissed, or drunk.

THE THIRD ONE

MURPHYISM #7: The Murphy ordains that the New Fury is infinitely greater than the Old Fury. All hail his words. Explanation later.

MURPHYISM #8: You're still the one who's sick - buy some Nyquil.

See: Wal*Mart, CVS, your family practitioner.

THE SECOND ONE

MURPHYISM #6: Don't start a fire and walk away. That shit is just careless.

THE FIRST ONE

MURPHYISM #1: Anger is your greatest tool. If you are not angry, you are nothing. If you are not angry, all your points are invalidated. If you are not angry, you cannot possibly utilize Murphyisms to their full ability. Be angry. Honor The Great Murphy and his isms.

Ex: Hard mosh/stance, yelling and flailing your limbs excessively, yelling over other people, and/or bottling up all of your emotions until you either break all of your old Chain of Strength records or cry wildly into the sleeve of your flannel longsleeve.

MURPHYISM #2: Never steal from The Murphy. You will only shame him, and put a bad fucking name on it.

See: The Mongoloids.

MURPHYISM #3: Words written in stone can be eroded with time, so either e-mail The Muphy, laminate all letters, or stop carving words into stone - this is America.

See: "breaking edge," myspace.com. Kinko's, and those really cheesy and somewhat annoying Geico Caveman commercials.

MURPHYISM #4: If you ever encounter a problem that is too hard to handle, incredibly ignorant, or simply very awkward, walk away and exclaim, "I'm walking away from this." A quote from The Great Murphy himself.

Example: "That's what she said" jokes.

MURPHYISM #5: We need to rebuild a sense of community. Please send donations.

See: yourself depositing $20 into my paypal account.