THE FIRST ONE

MURPHYISM #1: Anger is your greatest tool. If you are not angry, you are nothing. If you are not angry, all your points are invalidated. If you are not angry, you cannot possibly utilize Murphyisms to their full ability. Be angry. Honor The Great Murphy and his isms.

Ex: Hard mosh/stance, yelling and flailing your limbs excessively, yelling over other people, and/or bottling up all of your emotions until you either break all of your old Chain of Strength records or cry wildly into the sleeve of your flannel longsleeve.

MURPHYISM #2: Never steal from The Murphy. You will only shame him, and put a bad fucking name on it.

See: The Mongoloids.

MURPHYISM #3: Words written in stone can be eroded with time, so either e-mail The Muphy, laminate all letters, or stop carving words into stone - this is America.

See: "breaking edge," myspace.com. Kinko's, and those really cheesy and somewhat annoying Geico Caveman commercials.

MURPHYISM #4: If you ever encounter a problem that is too hard to handle, incredibly ignorant, or simply very awkward, walk away and exclaim, "I'm walking away from this." A quote from The Great Murphy himself.

Example: "That's what she said" jokes.

MURPHYISM #5: We need to rebuild a sense of community. Please send donations.

See: yourself depositing $20 into my paypal account.